The Awakening

Lord
the cage has turned into a bird
and it’s flown away
and my heart is crazy
‘cause it howls at Death
and smiles from behind the wind
at my delusions

What will I do with the fear
What will I do with the fear

Light doesn’t dance in my smile anymore
and the seasons are burning doves in my ideas
My hands have stripped themselves
and they’ve gone where Death
teaches how to live to the dead

Lord
The air punishes my being
Behind the air there are monsters
that drink from my blood

It’s the disaster
It’s the hour of the void not void
It’s the instant to put a lock on the lips
to hear the damned yelling
to contemplate each and every one of my names
hanged in the emptiness

Lord
I’m twenty years old
my eyes, too, are twenty years old
and yet, they don’t say anything

Lord
I’ve consumed my life in an instant
The last innocence exploded
Now is never or nevermore
or it simply was

How do I not commit suicide in front of a mirror
and disappear to reappear in the sea
where a big boat would wait for me
with the lights on?

How do I not rip my own veins out
and make with them a ladder
to escape towards the other side of the night?

The beginning has birthed the end
Everything will remain the same
The worn out smiles
The selfish interest
The questions from stone to stone
The gesticulations that mimic love
Everything will remain the same

But my arms insist on embracing the world
because they haven’t been taught
that it’s already too late

Lord
Throw the caskets from my blood

I remember my childhood
when I was an old woman
The flowers died in my hands
because the savage dance of joy
destroyed their hearts

I remember the black sunny mornings
when I was a little girl
which means yesterday
which means centuries ago

Lord
the cage has turned into a bird
and it’s devoured my hopes

Lord
the cage has turned into a bird
What will I do with the fear

Alejandra Pizarnik (Argentina, 1936-1972)

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